Wifey and I saw “Julie and Julia” awhile back.  Let me tell you, something like 550 recipes in 365 days?  That’s crazy.

That’s more than one recipe a day.

Taking time to shop, prepare, cook, eat, AND blog more than one recipe a day?  That’s madness and really leaves little time for anything else.

Anyway, so the update is this.

It has been a very nervewracking up and down roller coaster ride.  It is SO hard to really say “I am pregnant” and “We are pregnant” because we are so used to disappointment and not being pregnant.  It is really hard to believe.  I am sure that some couples will be overjoyed at this point.  I think I am still stunned.  And I am still afraid.  I keep referring it to a feeling like “Waiting for the other shoe to drop” but Wifey hates that term because she says “The shoe AIN’T DROPPIN!”

We finally did take a big step though and started telling people.

Coincidentally enough the first day after we told the first set of people Wifey started bleeding and spotting … that was a Sunday night and the most nervewracking day for me.  Wifey made an appointment to see our doctor on standby and it was nervewracking.

Everything turns out is okay.  Wifey has a bit of a low lying placenta.  And that’s that.  Wifey still is spotting and it is frustrating her because she needs to be on as much rest as possible and she really is a go-getter.  If she’s lying still doing nothing it stresses her out.

So does she stress out by lying still? Or does she be active which makes her happy but then possibly stress out physically?

You think getting pregnant sometimes can be complicated?  Being pregnant is too,and I can’t compare it to a couple being pregnant who got pregnant easily.  I will just say that I think couples who are pregnant and are really careful about every single thing that happens – I think it is intensified just a little bit for a couple who has had to try five years and finally get pregnant.  I really hate saying that too because in no way do I want to make light of a couple who got pregnant easily and them stressing out is not as bad as our stress.  All pregnant stress has its own equal weight because after all, it is someone’s child.  Just like when we had our biochemical pregnancy (lost our baby at about 2 weeks) … I was so confused about how to feel and someone told us “Why shouldn’t you mourn?  You lost your baby – losing your baby at 2 weeks compared to losing your baby at 20 years … why should one be more tragic?”

Anyway, I’m getting off topic.

So after our little munchkin looked like it latched and nice and good to Wifey’s uterus, we did start getting much happier – started writing a few people – and I actually got horny for sex again.  Can you believe that?  I think even though we were having sex “regularly” (one week of a lot of sex every five weeks or so…), I don’t think I had ever been horny like that for probably a year.

It felt really good to be horny again and have sex just for having sex

Though that is what led to the bleeding/spotting episode.

The doctor told us “Okay, wifey needs to relax and no sex”.  Which honestly is fine with me.  I really don’t want to jeopardize anything with our munchkin.

(Funny aside for some reason I kept thinking the doctor said “no snacks” and I kept thinking “Well, Wifey has to eat snacks right?”)

So this has been a mishmash because so much has happened since I last wrote and I know this is unfocused blathering and I doubt I got into this post all the feelings and thoughts I wanted to – yes that’s why I need to do this once a week.

But anyway, here are some photos!  Next time, I will write about the shots I had to give wifey (in the butt! with a big-ass-long needle!  Yes that’s the technical medical term for it… big-ass-long needle!).  Plus a few more photos.  Here are the first two!

This is munchkin at about two weeks – the size of a pea.  Can’t see yet but Wifey’s sack is forming in preparation for munchkin’s humongous growth coming soon!

I believe this is munchkin at about three weeks.  Something like 2cm tall!! And a heartbeat!

Still around, with lots of updates …  still feeling the rollercoaster of emotions.  But the big part is we are still pregnant and heading into our 13th week ..

And one thing I really don’t like (hate is a strong word but it’s almost that level) is that I cannot feel the excitement or happiness … We have a lot of friends who are pregnant and have gone through pregnancies in the last five years and it’s always such a joyous and wonderful experience to have and share when you find out you are pregnant.

And it’s killing me that I am not allowing myself to do this .. I think I still cannot believe it is happening, it is real, and I’m too afraid that something still is not right and we will lose our baby (again) or be disappointed (again) that I’m just too afraid to let myself get too attached or let it hit me -

not sure if that makes sense .. but anyway, that’s what’s going on these days…

more later.. including photos of our little friend ..plus the shots I had to give wifey in the butt every day for a few weeks with the big “horse needles” as wifey calls them

take care out there and have a Merry Christmas and great holiday season .

Okay and moreso I am one of those superstitious sport fanatics .. The kind of guy who says “no no I can’t watch the tv because then they’ll start losing ..”

So today I heard my little babys hearbeat .. Almost cried

*sigh*

Short of it .. Still surviving … We are at our first ultrasound .. Wifey also took a blood test .. We want the number to double every two days .. So today is 1500 day plus hopefully a little sack for our sprouts in the ultrasound

Fingers crossed ..

Borderline in the game

So I am in a good mood now for sure. We are PREGNANT!!!

Then again we were pregnant the day they put six embryos in wifey. But the news is we are still pregnant now!! On some of the boards wifey says there is an acronym

PUPO: pregnant until proven otherwise

And during the last week wifey and I kept switching roles .. One of us was doom and gloom while the other was optimistic .. Just so strange to have such roller coaster of emotions

What else is strange is seeing other dudes at the fertility clinic .. I wonder if when we see each other we are wondering the same thing:

“I wonder if he just masturbated into a cup?”

I think it .. I don’t want to .. Just happens even if I’m in a sad mood .. It’s a weird curiosity I guess .. I am just curious if I am the exception or the norm

On to dinner with wifey!

The results are back and our number is in the mid 50s!!

I let out a big breath (I as holding my breath) as wifey told me over the phone. I wanted to cry, yell, hoot, and holler “we are still PREGNANT!!!”

Wifey was more subdued remembering how the first time we were also preggers but lost our baby the week after

Seriously it’s like surviving a reality show

The next blood test is in two days and the number needs to double

Come on Fetus! Come oooooon Fetus! No whammys no whammys!!!

If her HCG levels are 50 or above than we are still pregnant. The first IVF we were at 150 and were pregnant though we didn’t get past the next week. The second IVF we were at 3 or 4. Definitely not pregnant

Wifey is actually in good spirits. I asked her if she was nervous and she said no.

I certainly am.

Wifey said that at tho point it is what it is. She can’t really do anything else. If we are, awesome. And if we aren’t we can try again. After the second IVF she said she did feel that lack of hope. Today, she said if we are not she still feels hope for next time.

God bless her.

“I Gots to Pee!!”
“I Gots to Pee!!”

It is really cute

Other than that it has been a tough week, at least for me.

So it is our (her) first urine test since our transfer. It has been and up and down week. I wanted to write earlier but honestly have been so neutral or somewhat depressed and sad that I felt , well, not up to it so much.

I didn’t want this blog to be full of just as depressing posts with no hope .. But then realized this morning that this is most of the feelings that we have as a couple going through fertility challenges. It really changes your life , your character, and take a toll each month it goes on.

Pregnancy and hope is exciting, and now going on our third IVF it gets harder to be excited and get your hopes up when the “norm” is failure to get pregnant

Hopefully we can bring some good news soon. I wish I could be more positive, especially as I am a big believer in positive energy and the universe, but I am just afraid to get my hopes up yet again.

One thing I will say is I am definitely lucky to have a wife who has ben able to remain as positive as she has through the last six years.

Please wish us positive thoughts